Don't Answer That

Well. Ted branched out.

Ted found his current squeeze catching up on his leather-cuff-shopping and discovered in quite a short amount of time he wasn’t into the “hipster” scene. To be fair, you can be young without being young. And when Barney has to tell you pretending to be someone else is “embarrassing,” you’re likely being truly embarrassing.
Until it comes to Star Wars; Star Wars is timeless.

“Nothing about weird poets, or buildings, or any of those e-mails with the weird subject line ‘Food for thought’.”

Barney discovers he can’t live without pursing one night stands during his engagement “detox”—even if it means pursuing hot girls vicariously through Ted. Talk about being a wingman.

Plot twist of the night? In happenstance worthy of Shakespeare, Barney discovers Ted’s love interest is none other than his half-sister. I could see a few resemblances: the blonde hair, the late nights, the obsessiveness. I would have been more worried about Barney’s end-of-the-episode wedding antics if I wasn’t more concerned about his tick-like winking. But I suppose some questions are better left unanswered.

Robin, as opposed to being someone else for the world, finds that being her current—engaged—self has its cons. In nerd, it makes her “not precious.” Though by the end of the show, she discovers the true ‘glow’ of the whole affair. And I don’t mean the way she sneaks into getting a beer at the bar.

Ted isn’t the only one with leather-cuff success; the cuff’s “bad boy” grandeur has an affect on Lily. At least now they’ve found a way to make their post-baby lives a little more exciting, a refreshing change from other episodes.
Lesson learned: a leather cuff isn’t the only thing that makes a husband sexy to his wife. Or a man to a minor.

“Retraction-five!”

When it came town to it, we saw ourselves an episode where two women couldn’t see the bar, two men had certain—varied—reactions, and I’m one episode closer to Robin and Barney’s long-awaited wedding. 

Type-Five: Or Another Barney Stinson Appreciation Post

What makes Barney Stinson “Barney Stinson?” Besides his aliases, attire, and attributes? I’m only talking about his high fives, easily fifth on my running How To Be Barney goal-list: master the high fives.

Let’s catalogue the best, shall we?

Self-Fives:

Friends can’t appreciate your gloriously timed humor? They’re not fans of puns?  Don’t feel sore—rely on your inner Self. Your attentive Self waits to slip you some skin and congratulate you on your wit. You might need to call up the Self (and make a show doing it); you might need to constrain the moment to a mental self-five. But we can establish early on that a good Stinson achiever is never without one to ‘five. *See the footnote.

Relaxed High Five:

Your subtler high five variant. Only use this during “the moment”, or risk making yourself look “awkward.” Should this occur, “save yourself” and find the next soonest “moment” to re-administer your high five offer. If your friends deny a relaxed high five, they’re a little lame.

Phone Five:

Slap the receiver of a phone when you say something legen—wait for it—dary, over a call. Simply keep the faith that the person on the other end is equally awesome.

“Hypothetical” High Five:

A type of mental self-five, the hypothetical high five includes another person in your vision of high five greatness. It helps if they play along, not stare at you blankly while you hypothesize.

A noteworthy, though rare, subsection to this ‘five would be the ultimate Almighty High Five.  For this once-in-a-lifetime chance, the heavens above part the clouds and shine the rays of a thousand suns upon you, to which you can THEN hypothesize your high-five. Bonus points if the scene includes cherubs—imaginary or otherwise.

Overall, the Golden Rule of Five is as follows: never, ever, find yourself without a high five partner. *If you literally are without a partner, or every available partner is not worthy of your Five, fall back on your better-than-them Self. We’re all trying to achieve Stinsonhood here!